Perveen's Wedding

The undead twins, Amelia and Marie, today bridesmaids, monotonously brushed Perveen, the vampire queen's raven locks.

The Louis XIV dresser's mirrors reflected only the brushes, discharging blue-white static lightning into the fraught atmosphere.

"It's my wedding and I can't even see myself!" screamed Perveen.

"Yet you two, my hand-maidens, need only look at each other to realise your eternal beauty! Not any more!"

Impossibly quick, Perveen swivelled, scything Marie's oesophagus with her black talons.

Unapologetically, Perveen stomped from the boudoir, as Amelia dropped to her dying twin's side, lapping up the overspill of the queen's tantrum.

Enough

"I cannae give her any more, Cap'n. She'll blow!"

"Enough with the Scotty impressions, Frank. What will get this ship off Earth before the planet's landmass sinks forever!??"

"You won't like it, Cap'n!"

"Go on. Hit me."

"Dilithium crystal."

  The Cap'n turned aside, bashing his fist into his open palm. Having only one arm, that was some feat.

"If only we'd made the link between diamonds and Dilithium sooner! But the diamonds are all mined, blinging the necks, ears and fingers of the elite!"

"A pearl necklace is what I'd give 'em…"

"Enough smut, Frank. Seriously, man: focus!"

"Say we jettison half the passengers, Cap'n? We'd break through, then."

"Mm, interesting; but which half? The masters, or their servants?"

"The masters, Cap'n!"

"How so, Frank?"

"Well, can you see them foregoing their diamonds, although owning them's illegal, nowadays?"

"I doubt it…"

"Exactly. We'd make the Asteroid Belt on the Dilithium already salvaged. We could hole up there until Earth absorbs their diamonds to repair itself!"

"Marvellous idea, Frank!"

  Cap'n Skyped the bosun, relaying the orders. Three hours later, erstwhile load lightened, the ship broke through!

"Does it feel better now you've got your rocks off, Cap'n?"

"Enough smut, Frank…enough…"